It snowed... a lot. I've kind of been wishing for a nice big snowfall all winter, and I guess I got my wish. I think we got somewhere between 12 and 14 inches. It was kind of fun being snowed in all weekend, but I did start to get a little cabin fever later on Saturday. There was a level 3 snow emergency and a blizzard warning, so the coaches had to reschedule our group run to Sunday. My workout for Saturday was about 2 hours of shoveling snow, which makes me realize just how much upper body strength I lack. When I get back from my trip I definitely need to do something about that. I would like to work out with a trainer a couple times to see if they can help me get into a good routine.
So, I was stuck home on Saturday, which did not help me avoid obsessing about the upcoming trip. I knew I absolutely had to get a workout in some how. I knew the group run was rescheduled, but roads were still not going to be very good. The treadmill was the only option left. This time, I opted for the one at my parents house rather than the gym. At my parents house, I was able to pick out a movie to help keep myself entertained, and I didn't have to feel guilty for being on a treadmill for 2 hours. All I can really say about it is that I set it at 6.0, put on Legends of the Fall, and ran. It wasn't a good time, but I managed to do 11 miles. That is my personal treadmill record. I hope I never have to break it. That is waaaay to long to be running in place. Only Brad Pitt's face was enough to keep me from quitting.
The trip is coming up so fast. We leave on Thursday afternoon for Atlanta. Then from Atlanta we fly to Buenos Aires. We leave Atlanta at about 9:00 p.m. and arrive at about 8:00 a.m. the next morning. Overnight flights suck in general, but at least with this one, the time zone difference is only two hours as opposed to 6 if you go to Europe. We will be there for about 2 1/2 weeks and are staying with his family. With the two of us included, there will be eight people in this house with one bathroom. I'm seriously wondering how this is going to work out, especially because the city shuts off everyone's water at 10 p.m. Leo's mom and sister came here twice when we got married, but I've only met his brothers and father once, five years ago. My memories of his dad are good. He's the opposite of my mother-in-law. He is quiet with a kind smile. That is all I really remember about him. I remember his older brother, Sergio, as friendly, into yoga and sports and macrobiotic diet. His younger brother, Emmanuel, is another story. Emmanuel has some sort of mental illness. Every time I try and get more details, I get a different answer. I think it may be some form of schizophrenia. I only met him once briefly, so getting to know him now should be quite interesting. I've already been warned that I shouldn't take anything he says to me personally. Okay...
My mother-in-law, she is special. From an American point of view, she coddles her children way too much. She still treats them all like babies, but its a cultural difference that I've come to terms with. What I haven't come to terms with is that she and Leo's sister (okay, most of the family) all have this total obsession about food and eating. They have all these strange beliefs about combining foods and how much time you have to wait between eating certain foods or eating and sleeping. They think all certain vegetables aren't very good for you because they are too "yin." Yes, I think its all crazy macrobiotic diet stuff I don't understand. The obsession about food translates into an obsession about weight. On the night before my wedding, my mother-in-law asked "You're not going to get fat, are you?" Now she wonders why I don't just love her to pieces. I also think its strange that she openly admits that Leo (my husband) is her favorite child and is extra special to her. She loves to remind me when we talk that I'm so lucky to have him here with me. It takes all my strength not to say "Yes, he is an adult, and he chose to be here with me. I didn't TAKE him from you, so stop insinuating that I did."
I know I'm making it sound dramatic, and his family really is dramatic. I think that may be a cultural thing, too. They are all super loud and talk over each other all the time. They have weird communication issues (i.e. just last night Leo asked me not to mention to his mom that he drinks coffee. WTF? He is 34 years old, if he wants coffee, he should drink it, and his mom can get over it.)
So, those are my crazy in-laws, in brief. I don't hate them at all, but they're not easy to deal with. Also adding to my feelings of distress about the trip is my experience on our prior trip. We went to Argentina in 2004 to meet Leo's grandmother. (I'm very glad I got to meet her because she passed away about 4 months later.) On that trip, almost everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong. Our bed and breakfast was infested with roaches, my sister got food poisoning, we booked a trip to the beach only to find out that our bus tickets were for the wrong date, and got into an argument with Leo's mafioso uncle, so I let his birds out of their cages on the day we left. Oh, and the garbage collectors were on strike so there were giant mountains of garbage all over the place.
So, maybe after reading this you will have a slightly better understanding of why this trip is stressing me the hell out. Not only do I hate flying, but my last experience there was not the greatest. I plan on doing my best to keep up with my training while I am there. That means I have a 15-16 mile, and 11-12 mile long runs while I am down there, and I want to run at least once during the week also. I have a feeling I might need to sneak out more often if we are stuck in that house the whole time. We shall see.
I'm trying to have a positive outlook about the trip (though you probably don't believe that after reading this post.) I have one more group run on Wednesday before we leave. We're meeting at the store and there is a happy hour afterwards, which should be fun. This is probably my last post until I get back, and then I should have plenty of exciting stories to tell. (Hopefully all end well.) Until next time, think of me down in the southern hemisphere!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Anxiety
I have been perusing the blog universe these past few days, which has made me realize how very sub-par my little blog really is. I'm going to try and make an effort over the next few weeks (or more likely, when I get back from my trip) to jazz it up a little.
Right now, my brain is filled with a fog. Its an anxiety-induced fog. You see, in exactly 1 week at this time, I will probably be boarding my first of two flights that will take me to Argentina. I guess some people (maybe a lot of people) would say "cool." Not so for me, though. When I was a bout 14, I developed a bad case of fear of flying. It turned into a full blown phobia that I have been battling for the last 10 years of my life. I am an anxious person in general. Dealing with anxious feelings (or "de-escalating" in therapy speak) is not something I learned as a child, so I grew into a seriously anxious adult.
I have tried various methods to deal with my flying phobia: medications, therapy, online courses, and "biting the bullet." All these things have helped in their own way, but I still struggle with my fears. The worst thing for me now is the anticipation, which is what is going on right now. I think that once we are on our way, I will be fine, but right now I am struggling to keep my brain from going into the "what-if" sequence. Thinking "what-if" is something that comes so naturally to me, that my brain will automatically go there if I don't keep myself occupied.
When I was a kid, I loved flying. I can remember feeling like it was a big adventure, and how I was so lucky to be able to travel to places that a lot of other people couldn't go. I wish I could get those feelings back. I wish I could look forward to flying like I did then instead of dreading it. I'm not sure exactly what happened to my brain between then and now, but somewhere along the way I lost the ability to enjoy things in that simple way. I don't want to be afraid, but my body seems to make its own choices sometimes.
So, for the next six days I will be doing my best to distract myself. Exercise plays a big part in that. Not only does it distract me, but it helps burn away the stress hormones my body is producing. This past Tuesday is when the anticipatory anxiety really hit me with full force. That was probably partly due to the fact that I missed my usual Monday run once again. This time it was work and rain that kept me inside. When I got home Tuesday and the rain had stopped, I wanted to take advantage. I thought, what better way to de-stress. So, I set out with five miles in mind. As soon as I started running, though, I could feel the toll that freaking out had taken on my body. Being super anxious for extended periods of time (more than, say, half an hour) tends to drain me. I managed to drag myself through three miles, but my body was worn out. I headed for home without doing the second half of my usual loop. I think it did help, though, because I woke up yesterday feeling much better. Luckily, we also had a group run scheduled, all I had to do was show up.
We met at the Running Spot. The plan was seven miles through O'Bryonville and Hyde Park. The route had lots of little loops and turns. I was dreading it as we headed out, because I knew there were several pretty big hills we would have to run, but by the end of the run, I was feeling great. The weather was perfect for running, and the stupid ice is finally gone (until tomorrow when it snows again.) I may try and get a few miles in tonight again while the sidewalks are still clear.
This past Saturday, I ditched the group and ran with two girls from work. I was kind of sad that they listened to their I-pods the entire time, but I ended up being faster than them anyway. So, at least I didn't have any guilt about running ahead of them. It was a nice 10.5 miles in Northern Kentucky. There were some pretty good hills there, too. As much as I hate them, I know the hills are great prep for the Flying Pig.
On Saturday we are meeting in O'Bryonville again for 13 miles. Its supposed to be snowing, but if its just snow, I think it will be okay. It actually sounds kind of fun. I have Yak trax and I have only used them once since I got them. We'll see how the weather pans out.
Until then, I will be trying to find my way through the anxiety brain fog and starting to pack my bags. My husband and I have not seen his family in four years. Next week when we arrive, we will all be together. He deserves this time with them, so I need to get over my issues and enjoy this trip!
Right now, my brain is filled with a fog. Its an anxiety-induced fog. You see, in exactly 1 week at this time, I will probably be boarding my first of two flights that will take me to Argentina. I guess some people (maybe a lot of people) would say "cool." Not so for me, though. When I was a bout 14, I developed a bad case of fear of flying. It turned into a full blown phobia that I have been battling for the last 10 years of my life. I am an anxious person in general. Dealing with anxious feelings (or "de-escalating" in therapy speak) is not something I learned as a child, so I grew into a seriously anxious adult.
I have tried various methods to deal with my flying phobia: medications, therapy, online courses, and "biting the bullet." All these things have helped in their own way, but I still struggle with my fears. The worst thing for me now is the anticipation, which is what is going on right now. I think that once we are on our way, I will be fine, but right now I am struggling to keep my brain from going into the "what-if" sequence. Thinking "what-if" is something that comes so naturally to me, that my brain will automatically go there if I don't keep myself occupied.
When I was a kid, I loved flying. I can remember feeling like it was a big adventure, and how I was so lucky to be able to travel to places that a lot of other people couldn't go. I wish I could get those feelings back. I wish I could look forward to flying like I did then instead of dreading it. I'm not sure exactly what happened to my brain between then and now, but somewhere along the way I lost the ability to enjoy things in that simple way. I don't want to be afraid, but my body seems to make its own choices sometimes.
So, for the next six days I will be doing my best to distract myself. Exercise plays a big part in that. Not only does it distract me, but it helps burn away the stress hormones my body is producing. This past Tuesday is when the anticipatory anxiety really hit me with full force. That was probably partly due to the fact that I missed my usual Monday run once again. This time it was work and rain that kept me inside. When I got home Tuesday and the rain had stopped, I wanted to take advantage. I thought, what better way to de-stress. So, I set out with five miles in mind. As soon as I started running, though, I could feel the toll that freaking out had taken on my body. Being super anxious for extended periods of time (more than, say, half an hour) tends to drain me. I managed to drag myself through three miles, but my body was worn out. I headed for home without doing the second half of my usual loop. I think it did help, though, because I woke up yesterday feeling much better. Luckily, we also had a group run scheduled, all I had to do was show up.
We met at the Running Spot. The plan was seven miles through O'Bryonville and Hyde Park. The route had lots of little loops and turns. I was dreading it as we headed out, because I knew there were several pretty big hills we would have to run, but by the end of the run, I was feeling great. The weather was perfect for running, and the stupid ice is finally gone (until tomorrow when it snows again.) I may try and get a few miles in tonight again while the sidewalks are still clear.
This past Saturday, I ditched the group and ran with two girls from work. I was kind of sad that they listened to their I-pods the entire time, but I ended up being faster than them anyway. So, at least I didn't have any guilt about running ahead of them. It was a nice 10.5 miles in Northern Kentucky. There were some pretty good hills there, too. As much as I hate them, I know the hills are great prep for the Flying Pig.
On Saturday we are meeting in O'Bryonville again for 13 miles. Its supposed to be snowing, but if its just snow, I think it will be okay. It actually sounds kind of fun. I have Yak trax and I have only used them once since I got them. We'll see how the weather pans out.
Until then, I will be trying to find my way through the anxiety brain fog and starting to pack my bags. My husband and I have not seen his family in four years. Next week when we arrive, we will all be together. He deserves this time with them, so I need to get over my issues and enjoy this trip!
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