Doubts

Leo and I at our last dinner out

How I survived (yum Brazilian beer)

Obelisco, Argentina's national landmark. It looks like its growing out of my head. I was trying not to look pissed off in this picture.

Dirrrrrty. That sums it up.

I'm back. I made it, but it was not pretty. Let's just say 2 and 1/2 weeks sharing a bathroom with 6 of your in-laws is not anyone's idea of a great vacation. Throw some roaches, family bickering, oppresive heat, and the occasional psychotic break, and you've got my trip to Argentina! I swear, I had a positive attitude going in. I was actually excited to arrive. The flights went great (I slept the whole way) and I was really excited to see my husband's face when he got to see his parents after 4 years. That first moment of seeing them at the airport was good, but it pretty much went downhill from there. It didn't take long for me to remember why I don't like it there. It's the dirtiest place I have ever been. Argentina has a big drug problem, and I know why. The people there aren't very happy, and they don't have much hope. The economy is taking baby steps to recovery after a huge collapse in 2001, but it is still very far from good. Job prospects are bad, but inflation continues. Even though you get 3 Argentine pesos for 1 dollar, when you do the math, things there cost pretty much the same as they do here. People earn about 1000 to 1500 pesos a month, though, which comes out to 300 to 500 dollars a month. Can you imagine living on that here? Well, you can't live on it there, either, but you can buy a hit of "paco," what's left over after making cocaine, for 1 peso. Can't afford to survive? Forget about it for just pesos a day...

I could go on, but I'll just say it wasn't a very good time. On top of it all, when I went out to run for the first time, I wiped out. I tripped on the crappy sidewalk in front of tons of people and scraped up my legs, so I was walking around with a lovely case of Argentine road rash. I tried to take a picture, but the camera flash kept reflecting off of the blinding whitness of my legs and it wouldn't turn out, so you will just have to use your imagination. I ran a total of 3 times. My longest run was 11 miles. I got home this past Saturday feeling exhausted. I think I"m still recovering, physically and emtionally. I held a lot in over those 2 and 1/2 weeks, and it wasn't easy.

This past Wednesday was my first day running with the group since I left. The schedule was 8 miles in O'Bryonville. I felt great for the first two miles, but then I absolutely crashed. I had to take it super slow just to be able to make it back to the store. I'm sure it didn't help that I decided to seriously cut some calories this week to make up for all the crap I ate while on vacation. Today I'm feeling sore and just tired. Hopefully I'm still recovering from the trip, but doubt is whispering in my ear. This Saturday we are scheduled to run 18 miles. My farthest run to date has been 13. I feel so far from ready. I don't know if I can make it 18 miles, let alone 20 the following Saturday. Our coaches did give us another option of doing 16 this week, 12 the next, then 20 with a two week taper. I think I need to wait and see how I feel. Honestly, I'm worried. I feel like those 2 odd weeks really screwed up my training, and I don't know if I get back to where I was.

Doubt... its gotten into my head. Now I don't know if I can get it out. Thinking back, I had the same nervousness before the last two marathons I ran, but I feel like I was better prepared then. Can I do it? I think I need to forget about 4:30 and just focus on staying injury free and having fun. I want to finish this marathon and then focus on Chicago for a personal record. If I can do two marathons in 3 weeks, I can do this... right????

We'll see how it goes on Saturday. I'm not working out tonight because I feel absolutely exhausted and sore. I"m going to try and get a light workout in tomorrow, but nothing too serious before the long run on Saturday morning. I'm going to take it pretty slow (which, unfortunately, means I probably won't be able to keep up with Emily, who is visiting from NY and will be running with our group.) If I have to make it 16, I will. The route is from the store in O'Bryonville to downtown and back. That means Eden Park hills, and at the end of the run (yipee.) I'll report back and let you know how it goes. Pics at the top are from the trip.